I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
