My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
