90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
