Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
