Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
