Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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