I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
