I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
