i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
