I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
