she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
