I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
