is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
