dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
