At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
