I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just had sex on a roof
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
