He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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