I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
