Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
