i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
