he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You are the jesus of drinking
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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