She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
