just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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