The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
