they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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