Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani

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(989): View more from Michigan

i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf

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(330): View more from Ohio

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.

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(630): View more from Illinois

oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at

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(859): View more from Kentucky

#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home

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(941): View more from Florida

I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Think he has a gf

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me

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