mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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