Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
