If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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