i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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