How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
