tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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