You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
