yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
