I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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