Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here