When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
did you just send me my own nude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.