i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.