If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.