I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.