3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...