We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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