I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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