I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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