I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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