blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You don't make any sense
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My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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