Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
