I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize