My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
