Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
