I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
