Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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