just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
