soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
