I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
