Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
