He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
