They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
even my farts smell like vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
