so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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