Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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