Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
