i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
