So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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