After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
