Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
